I really need help making sense of things with my lost love. PLEASE HELP?

I think that she might have just found new interests that you exposed her to. The idea of emailing her and keeping it very short would be a good one. I would not say what is in your heart all along in an email, but just say you would like to meet because you want to maintain a friendship with her to find out how she is doing, if she plans to date other guys to please her parents. Then, if you get to talk to her again and she seems pleased to be back in touch, then you might say how much you missed her and loved her after you split, and how your father passing was so important that you could not maintain a relationship with her then, you were so emotionally drained. Then ask, can you keep in touch and do things together again? A declaration of love would not be my suggestion, that could scare her off.